Well OK Ted, I don’t care what you do with your penis or anyone else’s providing any other party that might be involved consents. But this lighthearted tale of bisexuality and masturbation doesn’t jibe well with your decades of vicious condemnation and hatred of homosexuals. Or your spittle-splattered diatribes on the sanctity of marriage.
It’s not about you, Pastor Ted. It’s about the people you’ve hurt. For example, your wife (I expect) and the people you’ve told not to be gay because it’s evil. You know perfectly well how you abused your power as former pastor of that big church to make people feel bad for being gay. And by feeling bad I mean feeling condemned to everlasting torment in hell. It’s OK though because Ted knows that being wanked off by another man doesn’t condemn you to hell. Only sex sex does that. Wanking and cigars are not sex sex. Ted knows how god judges sexual activity because he says he does, which is certainly good enough for me.
Ted, you’ve wasted your life in the worst ways I can imagine: telling other people not to do the things you want to and making a drama out of your perfectly reasonable urges.